Generosity has an image problem; it’s tied too much to money.
Of course, sharing financial resources is a powerful way to practice Generosity, but I’ve realized that I’m oddly more Generous with my money now that I have a lot less. It’s the reverse of what I would have believed. When I was making $43,000 a year, I barely tithed. I consistently thought I didn’t have enough money. Now, I contribute more than 10% of my income to organizations and people I want to support.
What changed?
My mindset.
In 2014 (When I leaped into a Life that was Nomadic and self-employed.), I was freaked out about money! I also realized that I needed to shift the way I was Generous. I wouldn't have the ability to pick up tabs as often or buy lots of presents, but I knew that I didn’t want to stop practicing Generosity.
So, I didn’t stop. I leaned into the ways I could be Generous that have little to do with money and a lot to do with the authentic resources of our lives: time and being present.
Listening
Witnessing
Supporting
Encouraging
Visioning
Caring
Coaching
Other forms of emotional labor. (Emotional Labor is so vital and utterly not given its due because of misogyny!)
Performing domestic chores
Being redonk for the amusement of others! (And for myself!)
Telling the hard truths
Loving big
I’ve been offering these gifts and skills throughout my Life, both personally and professionally. But I didn’t recognize their true value until I didn't have as much money, and they became the primary ways I could be Generous. I could give Generously. Wow, do I love (hopefully with a substantial dose of healthy boundaries!) being Generous in these ways!
Generosity feels heart filling to me! The kind of feeling that makes my chest expand and brings tears to my eyes. It releases oxytocin and is a super prosocial characteristic. Generosity tastes so delicious! It’s better than coffee! It’s better than butter! (Ok, I need to slow my roll because I’m talking some nonsense about ANYTHING being better than coffee and butter, but…you get what I'm saying. And those of you who don’t like coffee and butter, substitute something you REALLY love to put in your mouth hole! And yes, I know you can go the naughty route with this analogy, and I got to say...I'm all for it!)
Over my Lifetime, I have cultivated a deep appreciation for the power of Generosity.
But, I have a confession. There’s an issue with my Generosity. A big part of why I practice Generosity is because it does feel so good and makes me feel good about myself. Turns out, Generosity can be a selfish and self-motivated characteristic. The Dali Lama seems down with this:
“If you would like to be selfish, you should do it in a very intelligent way. The stupid way to be selfish is seeking happiness for ourselves alone. The intelligent way to be selfish is to work for the welfare of others.”
– The Dalai Lama
Yes, some of why Generosity feels yummy for me is about the oxytocin, and some of it is purely about my ego. By being Generous, I prove that I have whatever form of Generosity I'm giving, and I get an ego boost from noticing my abundance. I must be pretty special! Maybe that’s partially being intelligently selfish, and maybe it’s that I have deep wounds around thinking I have to be and do for others to get my needs met? Am I being Generous?
Tricky!
Also, everything we do has a least a soupçon of self-interest in it:
Does altruism exist? Science and philosophy weigh in
We often praise selfless action, but is it even possible?
By: Scotty Hendricks
https://bigthink.com/surprising-science/does-altruism-exist-science-and-philosophy-weigh-in/
Being Generous means that others might think well of us. No matter how badass and independent we try to be, we DO want others to think well of us. Humans are social animals, folks! The best we can hope for is that our self-interests contribute to the well-being of others.
So be it! Bring on this type of Intelligent Selfishness!
I would LOVE a world full of Selfishly Intelligent people! A world brimming with Generosity motivated by whatever the fuck! Just bring on more Generosity, especially of the non-material variety. It’s horrifying that as a species, we still don’t have the basics of survival down when we could do so if we wanted. This shift requires a change of heart, an enriching of the spirit, and these changes come not from money but emotional and relational Generosity.
Yeah, but the money is necessary too.
This point brings me back to why I now am more proportionately financially Generous than probably ever in my Life.
My practice of Generosity ended up shifting my mindset around my Generosity with money. I’ve had 7.5 years to focus on being Generous of heart, mind, and spirit, which has changed (to some degree) the way I feel about scarcity and money. Yeah, so that happened.
Will this work for everyone? No. The whole idea of ANYTHING working for EVERYONE is the epitome of REDONK! And, I think there’s a decent chance that practicing emotional and relational Generosity will shift something for the better for many human beings. It's worth the effort to find out.
Generosity is a way to practice alchemy. A way to release feelings of scarcity and use the power of those fears for good. We have enough. We are enough. The act of Generosity proves this.
We do this thing together.
We do this thing together.